Surviving Rejection
Posted: Saturday, December 20, 2008
by Douglas Sardelli
http://www.villagematchmaker.com
Most people do not enjoy being rejected, though there are a few who seem to seek out ways to put themselves down, the majority suffers greatly from this behavior however it is executed. Many people will purposely avoid situations where there is a possibility of such an event taking place and while it is normal for people to desire safe, nurturing environments; the inability to deal with rejection can prevent a person from ever experiencing a healthy relationship. Rejection can come in many forms and is not limited to a refusal of one persons offering to another or an ending of a relationship. Some forms of rejection are less noticeable, but in many cases can still cause hurt feelings. Though most people agree that being rejected is never an enjoyable experience; having an understanding of the cause and effect of rejection can enable a person to overcome the insecurities often caused by such situations.
Another important variable in rejection is that the reasoning behind it may not be a kind that the person being rejected would ever agree with. For example: If a man rejects a woman because she is wearing open toed shoes and the woman believes this to be a ridiculous reason to reject anyone, she should not allow herself to be insulted by the rejection; through an understanding of what caused the rejection many people are able to dismiss the action entirely because they do not agree with the reasoning behind it. Most people have no wish to be involved with others whose views are drastically different from their own, therefore the rejection in this case was appropriate and should not cause the woman to feel poorly about herself.
In many cases people do not know for certain the reason(s) for their being rejected by another person and this can be frustrating when trying to overcome it. When a definite answer is unavailable it can be helpful to allow for all possibilities and not assume that the rejection was caused by something that you said or did, simply allow for the issue to remain unsolved and move forward unless the person is willing to explain how they reached their decision.
However painful the rejection is it can be overcome. In some cases this may require you to realize that you agree with a persons reasons for rejecting you and that some life changes need to be made. In this situation the information that you received, though painful at the time, may just have been the wakeup call required to make your life a better one.
After reviewing some causes of rejection and the different effects that they might have we must now look at how to move forward. Because there are many reasons for this behavior and many different ways to respond, it can be difficult to navigate exactly which line of thinking to follow. The first step will be to decide what the rejection means to you beyond the initials feelings. Are you able to understand it and if so, do you agree with the persons choice? If you agree are you willing to try to change what that person and didnt like about you? If after coming to an understanding you find the persons line of thinking to be ridiculous can you be comfortable with it being their problem and not your own?
Many difficult questions and emotions are raised when faced with rejection. Taking the time to weigh all of your options and think the actions involved through can be an ideal way to avoid the long-term problems caused by it.
Eight General Tips:
- Never assume that you were the reason for the rejection; the cause maybe something entirely outside of your control.
- If you feel comfortable, try to get the person to explain their reasons for rejecting you, it may help.
- Make sure that the rejection was not a misunderstanding; many people are very sensitive and make the assumption that a rejection has taken place because they often assume the worst.
- While it is healthy to be reasonable about your limitations, do not let the fear of rejection prevent you from trying.
- Make peace with the idea that not everyone will like you; sometimes people do not like others for reasons they cannot explain and while not ideal, you do not have to allow this affect your life in any way, in many cases it is nothing in particular that you said or did.
- Remember that far too many people are extremely judgmental; our society breeds an elitist attitude toward appearance; finance and many other superficial qualities; do not allow a way of conditioning to force you to question your own value.
- Enable yourself to be confidant! Know that the people who love you do so for good reason and that you should too; if another person is not compatible with you because they do not agree, do not let it change who you are.
- If the reason for your being rejected is something that you agree with, change your life. There are some rejections that are simply eye openers that allow us to see ourselves in ways we have previously been to oblivious or scared to do in the past; this does not have to be a bad situation, simply take a deep breath and make your life better.
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