Should You Take it Slow?
Posted: Sunday, November 09, 2008
by Douglas Sardelli
http://www.villagematchmaker.com
While there are certain types of people who seem to flourish under more spontaneous styles of living, for most people, a little more planning and introspection are necessary to know what they truly want in another person. This concepts shows its true colors in recent years as more and more marriages end in divorce; in many cases these couples acted rashly, or simply from the heart, which is romantic, but often not practical for a long-term relationship.
A person who knows what they want from a relationship often has a better chance of succeeding in finding one and more importantly, feeling happy while in it. To understand some of the reasons why people choose to take it slow in a relationship it can be important to first take a look at your past experiences and what they have accomplished. You might want to consider taking a slower approach in your current or next relationship if you:
- Have had many sexual partners and found this unfulfilling or regretted your actions.
- Feel that you fall in love too easily.
- Tend to open up or trust people when you dont know them very well.
- Have been hurt by one or more of your past partners and can identify parts of the relationship that should have made you aware of what was coming.
- Tend to obsess over partners or shut out other parts of your life when you are with a partner.
- Feel the need to have a partner because you believe this increases your personal value.
- Feel as though you have seriously misjudged past partners and possibly suffered in the process.
- Have been in a series of unsuccessful relationships.
- Feel that you are often the one who gives more to the relationship while your needs are not being met.
When a person meets someone that they feel is very special it can be difficult to stop and think logically about the situation; often when it comes to romance people allow their feelings to govern their actions with little thought to a realistic future, if any at all. While taking a step back from your current, or future, relationships might not be the easiest thing to do, the results may impress you and lead you toward a more successful ending.
Taking it Slow:
- Sex: Particularly tricky for some people to slow down, becoming intimate with another person can have an enormous effect on your relationship. Because its often difficult, (or impossible,) for people to stop and think when things heat up with their partner, it can be wise to know how you feel about sex before you are in a situation where you will have to make decisions about it. While compromise is often an essential for any good relationship, in this case, you have to know exactly how you feel regardless of what your partner wants sexually. Acting in a way that will make you uncomfortable, or regret your actions, will often lead to problems later on and will not help you find a healthy balance between you and your partner. If possible, try to discuss your feelings about sex with your partner before you become physical; this may help you understand both yourself and what kind of thoughts your partner is having. Explaining why you feel the way you do about your choices may also get unexpected support from your partner, as people often feel more comfortable with ideas they understand. Make sure to help your partner understand that these are your personal choices and not a result of a problem in the relationship.
- Contact: Too much interaction in the beginning of a relationship can cause burn-out later on. Though quite often new couples want to spend every waking moment together, allowing for some personal time can help a great deal in keeping a little mystery around you. The amount of space needed can only be decided by the individuals involved, as many people have different ideas about what too much time together may be. More importantly than a set amount of time is what other activities you are participating in with your time away; letting work, hobbies or friendships slide because of your new relationship is common mistake people make. Be sure that you have plenty of time for the other people and activities in your life that you enjoyed prior to your new relationship; especially because these are aspects of your life that may have attracted your partner in the first place, to give them up may show you in a less attractive light. With the various different ways two people can communicate in todays society, keeping in touch, while not seeming too invasive, is fairly easy to accomplish. A simple text message showing affection can be a very simple way of making contact, without interrupting your partners life. Email can also be an excellent way to communicate without coming on too strongly. One example of getting close, while maintaining a respectful distance, are the success stories from online dating websites; these often help to bring people together, who might have otherwise never found each other; but often work so well because people can take it at their own pace. Always set enough time aside for yourself; not allowing some personal time in your life can not only put great strain on your relationship, but every other aspect of your life. Keep in mind that if this is a person you intend to spend your life, you will likely have plenty of time together later on.
- Future: In the beginning of a relationship many people tend to romanticize possible futures together and leave out any realistic points of view. While thinking about your future with your new partner may be exciting, remember that you probably still have a great deal to learn about them and may eventually come to very different conclusions. Take the time to get to know your partner before you start making any serious plans and try not to act in any way that can force your relationship to a more serious level than you are ready for. Making any large purchases; important commitments; or major changes that will have an effect on your future is not usually a wise move until later in the relationship.
- Contact: Too much interaction in the beginning of a relationship can cause burn-out later on. Though quite often new couples want to spend every waking moment together, allowing for some personal time can help a great deal in keeping a little mystery around you. The amount of space needed can only be decided by the individuals involved, as many people have different ideas about what too much time together may be. More importantly than a set amount of time is what other activities you are participating in with your time away; letting work, hobbies or friendships slide because of your new relationship is common mistake people make. Be sure that you have plenty of time for the other people and activities in your life that you enjoyed prior to your new relationship; especially because these are aspects of your life that may have attracted your partner in the first place, to give them up may show you in a less attractive light. With the various different ways two people can communicate in todays society, keeping in touch, while not seeming too invasive, is fairly easy to accomplish. A simple text message showing affection can be a very simple way of making contact, without interrupting your partners life. Email can also be an excellent way to communicate without coming on too strongly. One example of getting close, while maintaining a respectful distance, are the success stories from online dating websites; these often help to bring people together, who might have otherwise never found each other; but often work so well because people can take it at their own pace. Always set enough time aside for yourself; not allowing some personal time in your life can not only put great strain on your relationship, but every other aspect of your life. Keep in mind that if this is a person you intend to spend your life, you will likely have plenty of time together later on.
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